Lovers and Friends, Hello ! How are ya on this beautiful day ? A recent insta live between the lovely Mandy Hale ( FROME collaborator, and New York Times Bestselling Author ) and Joe ( our CEO and my handsome almost husband ) went into a deep dive over the Do’s and Don’ts of dating apps. The entire chat was incredibly informative, but the segment surrounding dating profiles really caught my attention and in tern inspired today’s topic. So grab a glass of wine or preferred beverage of choice, and join me as I give my humble opinions on what makes or breaks a dating profile..
Honesty is Key – At the end of the day, it all comes down to honesty. And should be numero uno on your priority list when setting up a profile. Both in who you are and what you want. I feel it’s incredibly easy to fall into a space of disassociation when online dating. Almost like a game, we go about it as if there were an ultimate prize of a human waiting. And sometimes attempt to put an unrealistic “best foot forward” in pursuit of it. For the sake of everyone involved, please don’t. Dishonesty is bound to be discovered at some point, and all it does is ensure that any house of meaningful connection created can be easily destroyed. Because the foundation on which it’s built is flawed.
Forgo the filters – Like it or not, our initial impressions of someone over a dating app will always be slightly steeped in superficiality. And even though filters and face-tune run rampant across social media, simultaneously helping and harming our insecurities… the goal of online dating isn’t to create a false sense of self, or to be fawned over it remotely. It’s to find someone who adores you, for you. The real you. Inside and out. So please, forgo the filters and let your true self shine. Heavily manipulating photos only leads to anxiety for yourself and confusion on behalf of the other when finally meeting.
Personality with a Capital P – Speaking of, let your freak flag fly and use photo’s that show off your personality ! People like personality. Even though I’ve been a professional model for 15 years and have countless stoically beautiful photo’s, most of Joe’s favorites are when I’m cheesing real hard or being my naturally goofy self. True beauty really does come from the uniqueness of oneself, and the ability to love and embrace those differences. If you’re having trouble locating that love for yourself, check out my previous post for some tips and reminders ( https://firstroundsonme.co/know-thyself/ )
Quality over Quantity – Swiping shouldn’t become a game of Where’s Waldo my friends. Nor should it be a series of self indulgent selfies. So while I understand that you may look absolutely delicious in them, let’s limit posting group photos. It’s confusing at first glance, and when done in excess may subconsciously show a lack of confidence. And make sure your photo selection is varied, playful and telling of who you are. Which actually leads me to my next point..
Up-date – Update your profile every couples of months or so ! And use recent photos, 6 -12 months old max. Not only does it reflect a truer sense of who you are and what you look like, eliminating any sense of misrepresentation. But it’s good for you to have that page refreshed every once and a while.
Effort and truth while typing – While a select few of us do put the right amount of effort in, I feel a majority go one of a two ways when filling out dating app bio’s. Lazily, or with slight ( sometimes substantial ) over embellishment. Lazy leads to lost connections, as your profile pics may be cute but show absolutely nothing of who you are and ultimately lead to questions over catfishing or lack of personality. And over embellishment is almost certain death to connection as likes, wants and hobbies will be put to the truth test as any relationships progress. Instead of writing something lacklustre like “Does anyone actually read these things lol?”, do as much as you can to infuse your true personality into your profile. This is your chance at a first impression before THE first impression. And be sure when sharing your unique life experiences, quirks and hobbies, to express the feelings and motivations behind them. Why you do the things you do, and why they are important to you gives the stranger who could potentially be your someone a brief yet beautiful inside scoop.
Dating apps are full of different people, with different intentions and priorities. So it would be completely naive to think they’re all looking for the same thing. Hookup, casual fling, long term commitment or something in between ? That’s completely up to you my babe, but be upfront and honest with what you want out of this experience. Ask yourself : Why am I on a dating app? And what am I looking for ? Just like life itself, no one is expected to have it all figured out. But a little direction is better than nothing. That’s actually one of the things I love the most about FROME. Just by being on the app, and a part of our community, you know you are among likeminded people who are serious about setting up actual dates. Which in my opinion is half the battle.
The moral of the story here is to just be honest, and be yourself. Hiding or over exaggerating parts of yourself for fear of rejection, judgement or feelings of unworthiness is not only cruel to yourself, but unfair to others. You my dear, are fucking amazing. And there is most definitely someone out there waiting to embrace, enjoy and enhance your particular brand of wonderful and weird. Keep your eyes open for next week’s post on handling rejection while dating, check out the insta live that inspired today’s chat here https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cqb5zR3Ileb/?hl=en or more of Mandy here https://mandyhale.com. And be sure to head over to https://www.youtube.com/@firstroundsonme for FROME’s podcast ! Until next time x
HJG for First Rounds On Me