Hi, Hannah here ! Missed you all, and hope this last week has been fan-fuckin-tastic on all if not most levels of life. Today’s topic of discussion is long distance relationships, something I’m currently living so I feel I have the right and experience to weigh in on. And actually, I find myself in even more of a interesting situation considering we got engaged 5 days before I left to go back to Australia for three months, while my man stayed in NY continuing to grow this amazing app. Almost the furthest physically two people could be, in what’s supposed to be one of the most exciting times of life. We’re only two weeks in, and let me just tell you… this shit ain’t easy. Especially for someone like myself, who because of habitually dating serial cheaters in the past, have a certain proclivity to being suspicious over the most basic inconsistencies. But more on that later…
Now let’s start with the straight up statistics… according to multiple sources, it’s almost a coin flip on the success and longevity of an LDR. Leading studies say there’s a 53%-60% probability of success, and those numbers initially put a massive lump in my throat. However the biggest contributing factors for failure are lack of communication and lack of physical intimacy. And even though the latter is literally impossible for us and everyone else on a similar journey, I’m so very grateful that myself and Joe have immense amounts of the former as it proves to be absolutely essential now.
However, it doesn’t mean it’s not a uphill battle at times. And honestly something we must stay consistent with every day for the greater good of our relationship. Here are a few tips we’ve already implemented that make everything that little bit easier. You must acknowledge the need and necessity for over-communication. Remind each other from the very beginning that you’ll have to talk more thoroughly in order to solve conflicts or hurt feelings. Consider the context. Just because you’re having a great day doesn’t mean your partner is. Just because you’re feeling comfortable and safe within the relationship doesn’t mean that something might be flaring within your partner. Compassion and kindness are key, and will help in these times away. Be extra loving, extra sweet, extra attentive to your person because this is the furthest thing from easy for either of you.
Now as the title portrays, there is a plethora of highs and lows to dating long distance. In my own personal opinion, the pros and cons go as follows…
As that old adage goes ” distant makes the heart grow fonder ” and in turn forces you to appreciate the time you have both technologically and when reunited. I know I cherish the relatively minuscule moments I have each day talking to him, and try my hardest to be wholly available and present when doing so.
It builds and maintains trust. Something that’s imperative in any relationship, but especially within LDR’s. As I mentioned earlier, I have some trust issues that I’m constantly working on healing and resolving. Not only from my childhood which fostered a great mistrust in all people, but mainly because of the countless shitty relationships that left me deeply insecure and highly suspicious of even the best ones. Being away from him flares all of this up, and I have to work every single day to battle with the stories my brain decides to create. But, I believe the resolution to that is understanding why and how it specifically affects your significant other, and doling out healthy doses of reassurance from both sides.
If you allow it, it’ll only strength the beautiful bond that you two have. Is it testing and trying at times? Hell yes!! But it’s also an incredible indicator of your capabilities as individuals and as a couple to withstand anything that life can throw at you.
The biggest and baddest element here ( for me at least ) is loneliness. When you meet your forever person, you feel complete and at home no matter where you are in this world. When forced apart for months on end, it truly doesn’t matter if you’re surrounded by family, good friends or just in a room full of joyful people… you still feel a little empty. Feel a place within your heart and soul that cannot be filled. But I promise, it’s going to be okay. It’s completely natural to miss the person you love the most. To cry yourself to sleep in the early days. To feel a specific sense of depression and anxiety that’s typically associated with long distance separation. I’ve found the best way to handle this, is just accept it with as much grace and understanding as possible. And know that it won’t be long until that hole is filled ( pun very much intended )
It can get really expensive, real quick. LDR’s notoriously wreak havoc on bank accounts, mostly due to the countless flights back and forth, saving literally every penny you have for that next trip. Be prepared for this if you’re about to endeavor on one, but know if you plan ahead properly, it is quite manageable.
Lack of physical contact. Now, I can confidently say I am the more sexual of us two, and have no doubt my handsome almost husband would agree. In fact, this myth that men are hornier within relationships really needs to be dispelled. So naturally, this has been one of the harder elements for me. Sex is not only a beautiful way to connect with your partner, it’s also an incredible stress reliever and head clearer. So my advice here is to take matters into your own hands ( quite literally ) and invest in a high quality sex toy until you have access to the real deal.
Now listen, I’m not one to dole out some sadness without solutions to combat the aforementioned woes. Whether it be date night ideas, varied forms of communication or just simple ways to connect with each other that little bit more, I’ve got you covered below :
Snail mail : Lol, yes.. I said snail mail. Remember the years of past, when the internet was barely a whisper and we had no choice but to call on landlines, bricks of mobiles, or simply sending sweet nothings through the post. Now I may be completely dating myself with this idea, but I do think it’s a fantastic way to show your babe that you’re thinking of them on every level. Imagine the smile on their faces when receiving a handwritten letter from the one they love.
LD date night ideas : Just because you’re a world away from each other doesn’t mean that date night has to be forgotten !
A) You can make a pillow version of your person and choose a movie/ tv show to watch simultaneously
B) Go for a “walk” with each other through the most beautiful parts of your respective towns
C) Get sweaty by setting up a plan and doing a workout together.
D) Have dinner with one another ( or any meal depending on your timezones ) and discuss all the deep and meaningfuls you’d usually do in person.
E) Play games with each other ! Either virtually like Words w/ Friends, Chess or the ever popular wordle. Or my personal favorites being the ones that are naughtier in nature.
Varied forms of communication : Residing within the beautiful age of technology, there are so many different ways to be able to communicate with your babe. The obvious being calls, texts or Facetimes, but I encourage downloading WhatsApp ( it’s usually more reliable when it comes to international messaging and calls ) or using any form of social media to send sweet/sexy photos, motivational and loving quotes or hilarious videos back and forth. It doesn’t sound like much, but day by day, this is the perfect way to show that you’re always thinking of them.
All of the above, and so much more just ensures you’re keeping the spark alive in the most creative and loving ways possible. LDR’s will never be easy, believe me I know. But I promise true love can survive a lot if you’re both on the same page. So just keep your eyes on the prize, and the light that’s most definitely at the end of this long distance tunnel.