Spring is the season of new beginnings. As we dust away the cobwebs and scrub the grime from our homes, we are not just clearing away dirt and debris; we are creating space for new energy and new possibilities to enter our lives. This same principle can be applied to the emotional aftermath of a breakup. Whether you’ve just gone through a tough one or still find yourself struggling to move on from a past relationship, I’m here to help you clear out the old and make room for the new. In today’s topic, we’ll go over some tips for handling these sad situations, and talk with our resident dating expert Mandy Hale on how her ” No Contact” rule can only help in your journey towards healing. Grab a glass of wine, or preferred beverage of choice my friends, and lets dive in…
First, we have to acknowledge the importance of giving yourself permission to grieve and heal. Breakups are a painful experience, and it’s essential to allow ourselves to fully process the array of emotions that come with them. Whether it’s anger, sadness, hurt or confusion… give yourself permission to feel it all. Cry, scream, visit a Rage Room or write angst-filled poetry if that’s your style. By acknowledging and honoring our emotions, we create space for healing and growth. And when those raw emotions have somewhat subsided, take a moment to pause, to ponder, and to gain insights from this past relationship. What lessons did it teach you ? What red flags did you overlook ?
Cultivate a nurturing environment for your emotional well-being. Take this opportunity to rediscover your own strengths and passions. Engage in activities that bring you joy, nurture your soul, and remind you of the wonderful person you are. Surround yourself with friends who uplift and support you, for they are the sunshine that encourages growth. Seek solace in activities that allow your spirit to bloom. Dance, sing, write, paint—express yourself in whichever way speaks to your soul. And as you cleanse your emotional palette, do not shy away from the occasional indulgence in humour. Laughter has a remarkable ability to heal and uplift. Partake in activities that make you chuckle and invite joy back into your life.
Spring is a time of transformation, so what better occasion to reinvent yourself than after a breakup? Embrace the opportunity to explore new hobbies, embark on adventures, and step outside your comfort zone. Allow yourself the freedom to discover new aspects of your identity and a sense of personal growth. The end of a relationship does not signify the end of your own story. It is merely a chapter that leads to new and exciting possibilities. Remember that growth and healing are not linear processes either, but rather beautiful and messy journeys that lead to self-discovery.
Just as we clear out physical clutter to make way for new possibilities, it’s crucial to declutter our hearts and minds after a breakup. Start by removing reminders of your ex from your immediate surroundings. Pack away mementos and tokens of love, hide those love letters, delete old text messages, and put away any sentimental items that may trigger memories. This symbolic act of decluttering creates space for new experiences and allows you to focus on your own growth and happiness.
Perhaps the most important action when trying to move on from a breakup will always be cutting off contact with your ex. This means unfollowing them on social media, deleting their number from your phone, and avoiding places where you’re likely to run into them. This isn’t petty, isn’t nasty, isn’t cowardly or crass… it’s necessary for healing. It will be difficult at first, but it’s important to create some distance between the two of you so that you can start to move on. And that point actually leads me to my moments with the magnificent Mandy Hale. A blogger turned New York Times bestselling author, creator of the social media movement The Single Woman and FROME collaborator, Mandy cuts to the heart of single life with her inspirational, straight-talking, witty takes on life and love. Invited by Oprah ( yes, THE Oprah ) to cover her Lifeclass: the Tour events as part of OWN’s “VIP Press Corps,” Mandy has also been named a “Twitter Powerhouse” by the Huffington Post, a “Woman of Influence” by the Nashville Business Journal, and a “Top Ten Most Inspirational Instagram Account to Follow” by Good Morning America. Safe to say, she knows what she’s talking about. I sat down with her to dive a little deeper on her No Contact Rule, and why it’s the only way to definitively get over a breakup.
What is the no contact rule? And how does it work?
M : The no contact rule is exactly what it sounds like – no contact. Zero. Zilch. Nada. As far as you are concerned, your ex no longer exists. It is the number one rule I deploy after every breakup, and it has never failed me yet. The way it works is simple: You do not, under any circumstances, reach out to your ex. No calls. No texts. No Facebook messages. No Instagram DM’s. No Snaps. No carrier pigeons. NOTHING. You can block them on your phone and on social media if you need to; in fact, I recommend it. At least for the first 3-6 months, until you’ve rebounded from the break-up and are feeling stronger.
How long should you go silent?
M : Forever? I mean…this will obviously vary, depending on your circumstances. If you have children with your ex, this might not be feasible. But I don’t recommend ever reopening the lines of communication if you can help it. What’s the point? They are your ex for a reason. You broke up for a reason. Leave them in the rearview mirror, and move on.
Should you block or delete on social media too?
M : If you are tempted to reach out to them, then YES. If you’re going out for a glass of wine with your girlfriends this weekend and you know you’re going to be feeling weak…YES. You are never going to get over your ex if you’re constantly stalking their social media pages. The only way I was able to move on from my last significant relationship was to block him completely. It took away the temptation to scroll his feeds or worse, slide into his DM’s. You can always unblock them later, when you’re feeling stronger. But for now, guard your heart and block smart.
Should you tell your ex you’re going silent?
M : That completely defeats the purpose of the no contact rule. It’s kind of like that old episode of Friends when Monica left a message on her ex’s answering machine saying: “I’m breezy.” You can’t SAY you’re breezy – it negates the breezy! And you don’t enforce the no contact rule by making contact to TELL them you’re enforcing a no contact rule, lol! It’s extra and unnecessary. And you don’t owe them a thing.
Why is the no contact rule one of the most efficient ways to get over a breakup?
M : Because “Out of sight, out of mind” is a powerful concept, and a real one. You can’t move on from someone if they’re constantly in your face. Or on your text streams. Or your socials. After a break-up, the focus needs to be on YOU. On your heart, on your emotions, on your healing, on your self-care. The no contact rule allows you to take the focus off of THEM and put it back on YOU.
What are some signs the no contact rule is working?
M : When you forget you’re even enforcing the no contact rule…you know it’s working. When you feel yourself moving on. Not thinking about your ex. Not feeling even the slightest bit tempted to text them or stalk their socials. When their name doesn’t make you smile anymore, but it also doesn’t make you hurt anymore. Then you know it’s working.
How long after doing the no contact rule can you reach back out to an ex?
M : Tbh, I see no need to ever reach back out to an ex, barring extenuating circumstances. Why go backwards when you’ve made so much progress moving forwards? Exes are exes for a reason. The relationship ended for a reason. Let it go. Move on with your fabulous, badass life. Never recycle your exes. It’s bad for your environment 🙂
Wise word from a fabulous woman. Getting over a breakup is no small feat. But with the right mindset, the No Contact Rule firmly in place and a touch of spring cleaning magic, we can gracefully navigate the path to healing and growth. Embrace your emotions, declutter your heart, explore new passions, find humour in the darkest moments, and prioritize self-care. Remember, just as spring breathes life into the world after a long winter, you too can emerge from the depths of a breakup with a renewed sense of self. Until next time x
HJG for First Rounds On Me