Pre-Dating Self-Care : An Interview With Jennifer Wolfe

In the wild world of dating, we’re constantly bombarded with advice on nailing first impressions, mastering witty banter, and conjuring chemistry out of thin air. But what about the crucial yet often overlooked precursor to these encounters? Yes, I’m talking about Pre-Dating Self-Care—the secret sauce that can transform your dating life from mediocre to magnetic. To delve deeper into this topic, I sat down with the incredibly insightful Jennifer Wolfe, a seasoned relationship coach who has a Masters Degree in Psychology and is widely known for her expertise in helping high achievers create and nurture the love and fulfilment they desire. So, grab your favorite glass of wine, sink into your comfiest chair, and prepare to be enlightened as we dive into the secrets of pre-dating self-care and how it can pave the way for a truly remarkable dating experience…

H : Jenn, thank you so much for sitting down with me today ! Ok first, can you explain how important is pre-dating self-care is for setting the tone of a successful date ?

JW : Pre-dating self-care sets the tone for a successful date by helping you feel confident, relaxed, and ready to connect. Taking care of yourself beforehand allows you to bring your best self to the date, making a positive impression and increasing the likelihood of a successful outcome. So, it’s pretty important!

H : In your experience, how does prioritizing self-care impact one’s confidence and mindset before meeting a potential match ?

JW : Prioritizing self-care before meeting a potential match can significantly impact your confidence and mindset. As I always emphasize, we don’t just attract what we want; we attract what we are. By prioritizing yourself and valuing your well-being enough to engage in self-care rituals, you’re setting the stage for a positive mindset and a confident demeanor when you meet your date. Not only does this make you more likely to attract someone who appreciates and resonates with your self-worth, but it also helps you discern more quickly if someone isn’t the right fit. When you’re in a good frame of mind, you’re better equipped to recognize and filter out those who don’t align with your values and aspirations. So, taking care of yourself isn’t just about feeling good—it’s also about setting the stage for meaningful connections.

H : Are there any red flags to watch out for that indicate someone may need to focus more on self-care before dating ?

JW : One major red flag to keep an eye out for is high anxiety levels before a date, which could indicate an anxious attachment style- something I’ve seen pop up a lot in my work with people. Understanding your attachment style can seriously level up not just your dating game, but your overall relationship experience. If you find yourself leaning towards an anxious attachment style, it’s definitely a sign to focus more on self-care before diving into the dating pool. Anxious attachment can make those pre-date jitters skyrocket. You know, that feeling where you’re constantly worrying if the other person likes you, what to say, or if they’ll text you back? That’s the anxious attachment style kicking into high gear. But the good news is, self-care can be like your secret weapon against those anxiety attacks.

By prioritizing self-care before a date and showing yourself the love and attention you crave, you’re building up a safety net of confidence and security. So when those anxious thoughts start creeping in, you’ve already laid the groundwork to handle them successfully. Instead of being hyper-focused on whether your date likes you, you can shift your mindset to focus on whether you like them and if this person is right for you. It’s all about flipping the script from seeking validation to authentic connection.

So, if you catch yourself feeling extra jittery or insecure before a date, take it as a cue to increase the pre-date self-care. Whether it’s a solo dance party in your living room, a hike in nature with friends, or a relaxing bubble bath, do whatever makes you feel good and grounded.

H : How can pre-dating self-care contribute to healthier and more fulfilling dating experiences ?

JW : Pre-dating self-care is like priming yourself for a fantastic dating experience. Picture it like this: you’re filling up your own cup so that you don’t rely on someone else to fill it for you. When you show up to a date with your cup brimming with self-care, you’re already in a place of wholeness and confidence. You’re not seeking validation or using the other person as a cover for any insecurities. By taking the time to care for yourself before a date, you’re setting a solid foundation for healthier interactions. Instead of getting caught up in trying to impress or seeking approval, you can focus on the real stuff—like whether you genuinely click with this person and if they align with your values and interests.

Being in a “filled up” state means you’re less likely to overlook any potential red flags or compromise on your standards just to feel a temporary sense of validation. You’re coming from a place of abundance rather than desperation, which makes for much more fulfilling dating experiences overall.

H : How can pre-date self-care rituals help people feel more grounded and present during their date ?

JW : Let’s face it, meeting someone new can send our nervous system into overdrive, especially if you’re prone to anxious thoughts or have an anxious attachment style. When you prioritize self-care before a date, you’re basically hitting the reset button on your nervous system. By engaging in activities that ground you and bring you into the present moment, like meditation, deep breathing, or even just going for a walk in nature, you’re giving your nervous system the safety it needs to calm down. This means less anxiety, fewer intrusive thoughts, and more clarity of mind.

When our nervous system is triggered and in overdrive, our brain’s amygdala—the part responsible for our fight or flight response—goes into overactive mode, essentially hijacking our rational thinking brain, the prefrontal cortex. And that’s bad news bears for a first date, where you want to be fully present, calm and collected. When you’ve practiced pre-date self-care, you’re counteracting that amygdala takeover. You’re allowing your prefrontal cortex to stay active and in control, which means you’re better equipped to make thoughtful decisions and be fully present during your date.

H : What advice do you have for singles who struggle with incorporating self-care into their pre-date routine ?

JW : My advice for singles who struggle with incorporating self-care into their pre-date routine is to give yourself permission to prioritize yourself! Self-love and awareness is where a truly successful relationship begins. It’s so easy to get caught in the trap that we need someone else to complete us or make us feel whole. I’ve learned firsthand in my own relationships that when I neglect myself or sacrifice my well-being for the sake of pleasing someone else, it always backfires. How I treat myself sets the tone for how others treat me, especially in romantic relationships.

That’s why it’s crucial to prioritize self-care, especially before meeting someone new. It’s not just about looking good or impressing your date—it’s about showing yourself love and respect. Whether it’s carving out time for a relaxing massage, going for a jog, or doing some meditation, find what makes YOU feel grounded and centered.

When you prioritize self-care, you’re not only showing yourself that you’re worthy of love and attention, but you’re also setting yourself up for healthier, more fulfilling connections with others. So, next time you’ve got a date on the horizon, remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

As our conversation draws to a close, it’s evident that pre-dating self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity for fostering genuine connections and nurturing fulfilling relationships. So, as you prepare for your next date, remember the wisdom shared here: take the time to nurture your own well-being, honor your boundaries, and trust in the process of genuine connection. Because when you show up as your best self, grounded in self-love and authenticity, you pave the way for some truly remarkable dating experiences. Cheers, to loving yourself first! Until next time x

HJF for First Rounds On Me


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Hannah Glasby

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