Hi, Hannah here ! Today’s topic of discussion is one of my favorite activities, pretty much the only form of exercise I willingly do and my most preferred stress release… The Big C. Yes, I mean Coituis. Haha sorry, I can hear the “ewww ” from here and will apologize for calling it by its most clinical name. But I figured we’d start there, and I’ll work my way down the list of tongue twisters we’ve collectively come up with over the years. Also, please be forewarned that there will be many innuendoes and puns scattered through-out as I simply cannot help myself. Okay, let’s dive in…
Now I can confidently say that I take the lead when it comes to the sexual side of my relationship. Not purely my own personal opinion mind you, in fact on a recent podcast with the babes at DoubleTeamed, he freely admitted his sexual knowledge and actions were that of a teenage boy before meeting me. While I feel that to be a bit of an exaggeration, he wasn’t far off lol. And please know I don’t say that in a derogatory way. I think it’s purely because he’d never been in a relationship with our level of love or intimacy before, nor with someone like myself who has an incredibly high sex drive and freeness/care when it comes to my own and others sexualities and subsequent needs. But that is one of the most beautiful things about finding your forever person… you help each other grow and evolve in every area of life, equally and with a persistent passion. It’s just that some areas happen to be a little more exciting than others…
Speaking of, sorry to disappoint but I won’t be going into graphic detail about Joe and I’s sex life. Partly because some things are sacred, only meant to be shared between future husband and wife. But also because my overall goal for this blog is to somewhat scratch le surface of the talks of sex/intimacy within our Fromie Family, while sharing my recommendations, tips and tricks for understanding yourself/your partner on the deepest level. And how to keep that firing for years to come.
The Science of Sex
I want to start with a quick overview of the science of it all, and proven health benefits that being intimate with a partner can provide. I feel we’re all in agreance that we take part in a plethora of daily activities that are a strain on both our mental and physical health. The palpable relationship we have with our partner, including the effects of good seggs can be immensely beneficial in relieving both. A multitude of studies have arrived at the same conclusion my friends…Bumping your beautifuls lowers blood pressure, improves cardiovascular health, memory retention, sleep and can even aid in diminishing the debilitating effects of depression or anxiety disorders. As someone who suffers from the last three, I find I’m infinitely less anxious, feed nowhere near as much into depressive thoughts and sleep like a friggin’ baby after rolling around in the hay with Joe for a few hours.
The release of oxytocin and endorphins, aka our naturally occurring euphoric hormones is also a proven physical relief from things like migraines or chronic pain. And it can boost your immune system, something needed by many of us after being locked inside for almost 2 years due to Rona. People who have sex even once or twice a week tend to have more illness-fighting antibodies and a higher sense of overall wellness. With the health benefits of sex alone being so evident, it’s difficult to deny oneself the pleasure. After all, arguably it’s for our own longevity… at least, that’s what I point out when Joe and I find ourselves unable to untangle from each other.
Making Love vs Sex for Sex’s sake
. The visceral difference between having carnal, detached sex and making passionate love are apples and oranges in the sexual world. Having sex is merely a mechanical act, a way in which to stimulate and satisfy sexual and physical needs. And while it can be incredibly satisfying, it’s inherently selfish and that satisfaction is only momentary. Making love ? Well according to Aristotle, the act of making love is “composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” and that exactly how I feel. There’s an undeniable understanding that the level of deliciousness rises dramatically when connecting in a fiery fashion with the one you truly love .This kind of intimacy reflects tenderness, care, adoration and respect along with fire, passion and multli leveled love. And that’s not say it always has to be soft and sweet, any kind of consensual kink which is typically not tender can also be a form of making love and forms should be celebrated equally. See sometimes, I just want Joe to look at me with that really specifically delicious and demanding look that lets him do all kinds of consensually lewd/disrespectful things. Other times, I need him to wrap me in this arms and make slow, sweet love as he whispers how much loves me. Both have their merit depending on our moods and desires, and always leave me feeling exactly how I should after a good italian meal… full and satisfied.
The Solo Act of Love
Now before starting with this section, I must share some of the litany of lols that followed when googling euphemisms for masturbation. Ready ? Okay… Boxing the One Eyed Champ, Turning on the Sprinklers, Orbiting Venus, Double Clicking, a Manual Override… Needless to say, it was a very entertaining part of my research. But all giggles aside, self pleasure is a necessity of life. Not only for the aforementioned releases and benefits, it’s a sure fire way to connect your mind and body, and also have a deeper appreciation of yourself over being able to find pleasure without the help of another. You know that saying ” You can’t love someone else until you love yourself ? ” Well I think that same theory applies to this. As we all know it comes in varied forms, with many tools and tricks to aid. So here are some of my personal favorites and overall recommendations when tickling thy pickle
You know what ? I never masturbated until I was in my early 20’s. And if I’m brutally honest, only at the insistence of an ex. Horrified over the lack of understanding of my own body and how to pleasure myself, he bought me a vibrator for my birthday and refused to allow me out of the bedroom until I had orgasmed all by myself. The type of toy he purchased, Le Wand aka The Magic Wand was and continues to be a classic of the vibrator world and a personal favorite of mine. Get the cordless rechargeable one.. you’ll thank me. Available at basically all adult stores and online retailers, I find the speed, flexibility and surface coverage should suit clits of all shapes and sizes. That or the LELO SONA 2 Cruise, which seems to be the favorite among the female community for clit stimulation and pleasure. Using a mixture of suction pulsations, this vibrator or ones of its kind are currently having a major moment due to the sensuously similar sensation of getting eaten out that it provides. I can’t recommend it enough if you’re looking to take your self-pleasure to the next level.
This next one, the We-Vibe Sync is described best in an article on Rolling Stone I recently read/ immediately told Joe I was buying because of the LDR friendly application… “This all-in-one, couple’s vibrator has got you covered no matter now you want to get down to business — we’re talking clit, G-spot and penis stimulation. Unlike other dual-purpose vibrators, this one’s completely hands-free, since all you need to do is insert it during foreplay and let the toy give you both some strong stimulation assistance. Got a long-distance boo? You can also use the We-Connect app to control the vibrator remotely, so they can have a good time when when you’re apart. It’s waterproof, incredibly flexible, and features 10 vibration modes for customizable stimulation in any position ” So safe to say after my castings tomorrow, I’m popping into the city for one of these bad boys.
Fella’s, contrary to popular belief, it’s not only women who get to enjoy the benefits of vibration in the bedroom. People with penises have had access to different types of sex toys for decades, vibration being a newer category aimed at men. Some are designed to wrap around the whole shaft, similar to a pocket pussy but infinitly better I’ve been told. Or you can get ones that are purely for ball vibration stimulation, which I find quite entertaining. Some target specific spots, like the frenulum ( which from all my research seems to be the soft sensitive skin between your balls and the base of your shaft ) or le gouch. And the ever present, some would even say classic cock ring is always there to give you a helping hand. Though keep in mind, you can use vibrators on your dick that weren’t explicitly created with that purpose in mind, like wand-style vibes…the sensations tend to be similar, if slightly less form-fitted to your anatomy.
Fresh ideas that will stoke the fire
Porn. Yes, I said porn. I feel it’s sometimes seen in a smutty light, which quite frankly I find to be ridiculous because everyone watches it or has at some point in their life. And those woman work damn hard, deserving of respect. And its tip-icly only assosiatied with giving yourself the upper hand. But I find it to be an occasional spicy additive that really fires me the fuck up, and also allows me a deeper understanding of what turns Joe on. Don’t limit yourself to screens though my friends… Put a mirror in front of the bed so you feel like you’re starring in your very own movie, or write a dirty story for each other and read them out loud while playing with yourselves … See what happens when you let these normally private indulgements become a team activity.
A little light BDSMnever hurt anyone in my opinion…So get your blindfolds and chuck on some sensual music as you use objects like ice, feathers, melted wax, and or coconut oil to stimulate different parts of their body and yours. Not being able to see or hear heightens awareness and anticipation for the sensations that are to come, and the overall process builds trust with your person. Or go a little further with some bed restraints, gentle ball gags/paddles/whips that will straddle that pain/pleasure line in the best way possible.
Role play can be so much fun and is basically a sexy vacation from your everyday lives without having to go anywhere. It could be an opportunity to enact a long held fantasy, or simply a way to embody a new sexual lane that is distinctly different from your typical persona. Expect a bit of initial awkwardness, but don’t let that deter you as role playing might just lead to the best sex you’ve ever had. Some people may feel more comfortable starting with an app such as Dipsea that helps generate ideas, but I personally love the improv and spontinaty of the moment. Or if downloading an app is even too much effort, check out this article by Best Life Online https://bestlifeonline.com/role-play-ideas/ that will stimulate the circulation of sexy ideas.
I think we need to completely dispel this idea that sex and pleasure are dirty or taboo. Because it creates uncomfortable and awkward self talk and image, and makes it incredibly difficult for you to truly connect with the one you love. Having open and mature conversations with yourself, and your partner about your needs and desires only helps strengthen those beautiful bonds. Sex is an important part of life and overall well-being, so my suggestion for this week is to indulge a little more. Until next time lovers and friends x