Navigating the world of modern dating can be exhilarating, nerve-wracking, and sometimes downright confusing. One area where many people find themselves uncertain is the post-date follow-up. After all, first impressions do matter, but the post-date phase can be just as crucial as the date itself. So, I've compiled a list of some thoughtful Do's and Don’ts to help you navigate the delicate art of post-date etiquette, ensuring your connection has the best possible chance to flourish. Grab a glass of wine, and let's dive in...

DO: Send a Thoughtful Message

One of the most important steps after a date is to follow up with a thoughtful message. Now, this doesn’t have to be a lengthy declaration of feelings... but a simple, genuine note expressing gratitude and interest goes a long way. Whether the date was a grand event or a casual coffee, expressing your appreciation sets a positive tone. A heartfelt message, like “I had a great time getting to know you, thank you for a lovely evening,” shows that you value the time spent together. It’s a small gesture that can leave a big impression.

DON'T: Overwhelm with Messages

Yes, it’s important to send a follow-up message, but it's equally important not to overwhelm your date with too many texts or calls. Bombarding them with messages can come off as desperate or overly eager, which isn't ideal. Keep your communication light and give them space to respond.

DO: Be Honest and Authentic

Honesty is the foundation of any meaningful connection. If that date rocked your world, don't hold back—tell them! And if the sparks just aren't flying, it's perfectly okay to shoot them a polite truth bomb. Authenticity fosters trust and respect, laying the groundwork for whatever relationship might unfold.

DON'T: Ghost Them

Now, I know opinions on this differ from person to person. But in my view, ghosting—suddenly ceasing all communication without explanation—is not only hurtful but also disrespectful. If you’re not interested in pursuing things further, that's your prerogative and it’s fine. However, honesty is better than just disappearing. Everyone deserves closure, regardless of the length of the connection.

DO: Suggest a Second Date

If the first date went well, take the initiative to suggest a second one, regardless of gender. The worst thing that can happen is they say no. Propose a specific activity or place, showing that you’ve put thought into planning another enjoyable experience together. For example, “I really enjoyed our conversation about art. Would you like to visit the new exhibit at the museum this weekend?”

DON'T: Play Games

Resist the urge to dive into the murky waters of mind games. Who has the time or patience for that nonsense? Tactics like strategically waiting three days to text back or sending mysterious, cryptic messages usually cause more confusion and stress than they’re worth. Keep it real and be upfront about your intentions. Authentic communication is the golden ticket to forging a genuine connection. So, ditch the games and let honesty lead the way!

DO: Reflect on the Date

Take some time to reflect on your date. Consider what went well and what didn’t. This reflection helps you learn and grow in your dating journey. Self-reflection is key to understanding your needs and preferences in a partner, leading to more meaningful connections.

DON'T: Overanalyze Every Detail

It’s easy to fall into the trap of overanalyzing every word and action from your date. This can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Trust your instincts and focus on how you felt during the date rather than dissecting every moment. Dating should be enjoyable, not a constant source of worry.

As you navigate the delicate dance of post-date etiquette, remember that each interaction is an opportunity for growth and connection. Whether sparks flew or the chemistry wasn’t quite there, approaching each follow-up with honesty and respect sets a foundation for meaningful relationships to blossom. Take the time to reflect on your experiences, learn from them, and stay true to yourself in the process. By embracing authenticity and communication, you’re not just navigating the dating world—you’re crafting genuine connections that have the potential to flourish into something beautiful. So, as you raise your glass and contemplate your next move, trust in the journey and the possibilities it holds. Until next time x

HJF for First Rounds On Me

You’ve probably heard the saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” That’s because first impressions matter, and nowhere is this more evident than in the world of dating. Your outfit is often the first thing your date notices, speaking volumes before you've exchanged a word. So, what does your outfit say about you during a date? How can you ensure that your clothing choices reflect your best self? Let's dive into the nuances of Dressing For Success, peppered with expert advice and some crucial do's and don’ts. Grab a glass of wine, and let’s dive in..

The Psychology of Dressing

According to Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner, psychologist and author of "You Are What You Wear," our clothing choices reflect our inner psyche and how we want to be perceived. "Clothing is a form of self-expression. Your clothes reflect how you feel about yourself. They are a manifestation of your internal thoughts and feelings.” This means that your outfit can communicate confidence, self-respect, and even your mood on any given day.

In dating, your outfit is more than fabric; it’s a statement. It tells your date whether you’re fun-loving, serious, adventurous, or laid-back. Color psychology also plays a crucial role in first impressions. For instance, red often symbolizes passion and energy, while blue can evoke trust and calmness. A study by the University of Rochester found that women perceive men in red as more attractive and desirable. So, before you consider what to wear, think about what message you want your outfit to convey...

The Do's and Don'ts of Dressing for a Date

Do's:

1. Dress Comfortably: Ensure your attire is comfortable. There's nothing worse than fidgeting with an ill-fitting outfit or enduring painful shoes. Comfort translates to confidence.
2. Reflect Your Personality: Choose attire that mirrors your true self. If you’re quirky and artsy, embrace bold patterns or unique accessories. Prefer a classic look? A well-fitted blazer or a little black dress speaks volumes.
3. Consider the Venue: Tailor your attire to the date setting. A coffee shop date calls for casual chic, while a fancy restaurant may demand something more formal. Thoughtful attire demonstrates respect for your date and the occasion.
4. Wear Confidence: Confidence is your best accessory. Whatever you wear, own it. Walk tall, smile, and let your outfit reflect your self-assuredness.

Don'ts:

1. Overdress or Underdress: Balance is key. Overdressing can seem like trying too hard, while underdressing might suggest a lack of effort. Aim for attire that shows care without going overboard.
2. Ignore Grooming: Cleanliness and personal hygiene are non-negotiable. Ensure your clothes are clean and pressed, your hair is well-groomed, and you’re wearing an appropriate amount of fragrance.
3. Wear Something Inauthentic: Avoid outfits that don't feel like "you." Discomfort in your attire is noticeable and can make you appear less genuine.
4. Go Overboard with Accessories: Accessories can enhance an outfit, but too many can overwhelm it. Opt for a few key pieces that complement your look without distracting from it.

Outfit Ideas for Different Dates

Casual Coffee Date: For a casual coffee date, aim for a relaxed yet stylish look. Think well-fitted jeans, a comfortable top, and a casual jacket. Accessories like a watch or simple jewelry can add a touch of personality without overpowering.

Expert Quote: "A coffee date is about getting to know each other in a relaxed setting. Your outfit should be comfortable and approachable." – Emily Freeman, Lifestyle Blogger.

Dinner Date: A dinner date calls for sophistication. Men can opt for a button-down shirt with chinos or dress pants, while women can choose a stylish dress or a nice blouse with a skirt. Comfortable shoes are a must, as a post-dinner stroll might be on the agenda.

Expert Quote: "Dinner dates are an opportunity to show elegance. Dress in a way that demonstrates effort without being excessive." – Rachel Green, Fashion Stylist.

Outdoor Adventure Date: Practicality is essential for an outdoor adventure. Opt for comfortable, weather-appropriate clothing that allows freedom of movement. Athletic wear or casual, durable outfits are ideal. Don’t forget sunscreen and a hat for sun protection.

Expert Quote: "Outdoor dates are about fun and activity. Choose practical attire that shows readiness for adventure." – Mark Thompson, Outdoor Enthusiast and Blogger.

Movie Night Date: Comfort is key for a movie night. Cozy up in soft fabrics like a well-fitted sweater and casual pants. Layering can add style without compromising comfort. A light scarf or relaxed jacket can also be stylish additions.

Expert Quote: "Movie nights are about comfort and ease. Wear something that lets you relax and enjoy the film without fussing." – Sarah Mitchell, Fashion Consultant.

Art Gallery Date: An art gallery date lets you showcase your creative side. Men can opt for a smart blazer paired with tailored jeans or chinos, while women can choose a flowy dress or a unique top with tailored pants.

Expert Quote: "Art gallery dates allow for fashion experimentation. Choose stylish pieces that reflect your creativity." – Alicia Harper, Art and Fashion Expert.

Beach Date: For a beach date, opt for light and breezy attire. Women can wear a cute sundress or stylish swimsuit with a cover-up, while men can choose a casual shirt with comfortable shorts. Don’t forget a hat and flip-flops for added beach vibes.

Expert Quote: "Beach dates are about enjoying the sun and sea. Wear something that’s easy to move in and suits the relaxed atmosphere." – Chloe Adams, Beachwear Designer.

Picnic Date: Picnic dates call for casual and playful attire. Women can wear a sundress or casual skirt and top, while men can opt for a polo shirt with shorts or light trousers. Don’t forget a hat and sunglasses for added flair and sun protection.

Expert Quote: "Picnic dates are laid-back and fun. Dress in easy-going attire suitable for enjoying nature." – Julia Roberts, Lifestyle and Fashion Blogger.

Expert Quotes on Dressing for Dates

As I researched this piece, I found some really interesting and insightful quotes from dating and relationship experts that you can always come back to if you're struggling to find that perfect fit, or just need a little extra motivation/inspiration :

Dr. Karen Pine, Fashion Psychologist: "Your outfit is a silent communicator. It tells your date how you see yourself and how you expect to be treated. Choosing clothes that make you feel good will naturally project confidence."

Nina Rubin, Life Coach and Author: "Authenticity is key in dating. Wear something that reflects your best self. Your comfort and confidence will shine through, making the date more enjoyable for both parties."

Julie Spira, Online Dating Expert: "A well-chosen outfit shows effort and thoughtfulness. It sets a positive tone and can leave a lasting impression."

Dr. Benjamin Ritter, Dating Coach: "Your outfit reflects your intentions and mood. Dressing intentionally can enhance your control and presence during a date."

Rachel Greenwald, Matchmaker and Dating Coach: "An outfit that matches your personality aids in building a genuine connection. It’s not about following trends but about wearing what feels authentic to you."

Matthew Hussey, Relationship Expert: "Dressing for a date means balancing effort and authenticity. Show that you care without pretending to be someone you’re not."

Confidence is Your Best Accessory

Ultimately my babe, the most crucial element of your dating attire is confidence. Clothes can enhance your appearance and reflect your personality, but confidence is what truly captivates. Whether it’s a first date or a night out with a long-term partner, let your attire reflect your self-assurance and authenticity. As you prepare for your next date, remember these tips. Dress comfortably, showcase your personality, consider the venue, and above all, wear your confidence proudly. Your outfit may be the wrapping paper, but it’s what’s inside that truly counts. Until next time x

HJF for First Round’s On Me

Expectations: the silent architects of our dating lives. Each person enters the dating arena armed with their own set of hopes, dreams, and desires, all of which play a pivotal role in shaping the trajectory of romantic rendezvous. However, understanding the significance, peaks, and pitfalls of expectations before a date is essential for cultivating fulfilling experiences and relationships. Recently, I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with none other than Sabrina Zohar, the insightful and brilliant mind behind the Do The Work Podcast. Together, we explored the importance of setting expectations with oneself before stepping into the dating arena, delved into the influence of preconceptions on our dating experiences, uncovered the telltale signs of unrealistic expectations, and so much more. Grab a glass of wine, and let's dive in...

H : In your opinion, how important is it for people to establish clear expectations with themselves before going on a date, and why?

S : I think at the end of the day, the expectations we have are important, but what's equally important when you have expectations for yourself is to be able to handle it when those expectations aren't met. There's also a difference between having healthy expectations of yourself, like "Okay, I want to show up in a certain way" or "This is how I want to act on the date," versus unrealistic expectations like "I have to be perfect" and "I have to act like this and do this; otherwise, I'm not going to get them." Healthy expectations for yourself are more about addressing what your non-negotiable boundaries and needs are. That's really important. I'd try to release as many expectations as possible, but if you do have them, it's less about having strict ones and more about having the flexibility and understanding that if your expectations aren't met, that doesn't reflect negatively on you or them. It just might mean that perhaps we weren't communicating them effectively.

H : What role do expectations play in shaping our dating experiences, and what’s the best way to address them ?

S : Personally, I think expectations are harming dating. People come in with "They have to be this" and "They have to do this." It's the immediate expectation of the other person. We need to realize that other people aren't obligated to live up to our expectations, and the disappointment that follows when they aren't met is ultimately on you for having them. I also think when we enter into dating, we don't actually see people for who they are; we don't allow them to be humans. We're not allowing people to just be themselves, and then we decide if that works for us. Instead, it's "Well, I expect you to do this" and "I want this," and we end up being really bummed because shit doesn't go the way we "expected" it to. That will only ever lead to disappointment. Versus the mindset of "I go in hoping for the best, and if it doesn't work, no worries because I'm good at the end of the day."

H : What role do past experiences play in shaping preconceptions about dating?

S : Our past experiences shape our future. Our reality is always based on the way we perceive things. So if you have preconceived notions and past experiences coming into dating, then what happens is you're projecting your issues onto everybody else. What happened to you in the past becomes the next person's problem if you do not do the work to heal through that. Past experiences can be an incredible lesson; they can be a beautiful teacher if, and only if, they are utilized correctly. They can also impact your relationships and ruin whatever is to come if you allow them to be projected onto your future partners. And if it doesn't work, no worries because I'm good at the end of the day. 

H : Are there any red flags or warning signs that indicate someone's expectations may be unrealistic ?

S : Absolutely. How do they communicate those expectations with you? If somebody gets mad at you because you didn't text them, but they never talked about their preferred communication styles, that's unrealistic. If someone isn't communicating what their expectations are but then holds you accountable for something you weren't even aware of, to me, that is the biggest red flag. For instance, if someone expects me to text them every single day after a first date and we never discussed that, it's wildly unrealistic and going to be a big NO from me. People aren't meant to be mind readers; they're meant to date you and be communicative. It's also important to keep in mind that even if they are communicating those expectations, we also have every right to say that we don't want to do that.

H : How can people manage their nerves and anxiety before a date to ensure they approach it with the right mindset and expectations?

S : I think being honest with yourself about what works for you and what you hope to achieve is crucial. Regulate your nervous system before you go on the date; take a quick walk around the block and give yourself a little pep talk: "Alright, whatever happens here, I'm going to be okay. I'm just going in to see if I'm even interested in this person." A first date is just to see if you want to have a second date. After your date, journal about it. Have somebody you can talk to, a friend you can call to say, "Hey, can you bring me back down to earth? I just want to make sure I'm being realistic." At the end of the day, you don't know who these people are.

H : What advice do you have for someone who may have high expectations for a date but wants to avoid disappointment if things don't go as planned?

S : I would say it's time to talk to somebody. It's time to talk to a therapist and really start to look at where these expectations are stemming from. Where is this disappointment coming from? What did you think was going to happen, and how can we reshape it? Neuroscience shows us that we have neuroplasticity. We can rewire our brains. So if there are high expectations, that person is going to need to talk to a therapist or a coach who can help them work through where they stem from, what they mean to them, and how to at least communicate them to a date or partner. However, if you're putting your worth and value in how someone else acts towards you, that's why you will always be disappointed.

H : Can you provide my readers some practical tips or exercises that they can use to align their expectations with reality before going on a date?

S : I would literally list those expectations out. Ask yourself, what are my expectations here? Then, I would list how they've actually worked out for me. Next, I would consider if I genuinely believe that these are realistic. I really like to look at, "Okay, if none of these were met, would I still be able to date this person?" Then, I would start to reframe and say, "What are my boundaries and non-negotiables?" Boundaries and non-negotiables are how you want to be treated and what you're willing to accept from a partner. If your expectations are really high, what does that say about you? And how have those worked in your past relationships? Ask yourself: is there an area of opportunity for me to even mildly adjust my expectations so I can go and try something different?.

It's safe to say that my conversation with Sabrina Zohar has been a real eye-opener, shedding light on the importance of setting healthy expectations and the impact that preconceptions have on our relationships. And, how understanding and managing those expectations is absolutely crucial in creating fulfilling and meaningful connections. Remember, dating is about finding someone who aligns with your values and makes you feel safe and comfortable, rather than someone who simply meets a checklist. The journey is as much about discovering yourself as it is about finding the right partner. So, embrace the process, be kind to yourself, and keep an open mind. Until next time x

HJF for First Round's On Me

In a world where environmental consciousness is becoming increasingly important, it's no surprise that sustainability has made its way into the realm of romance. For couples and active dater alike who are passionate about both each other and the planet, eco-friendly date ideas offer a way to deepen their connection while minimizing their carbon footprint. From outdoor adventures to creative DIY projects, I've compiled a list of some sustainable date ideas for green hearts everywhere. Grab a glass of kombucha, and let's dive in...

1. Picnic in the Park: Instead of dining out at a restaurant, pack a picnic basket with locally sourced and organic ingredients, and head to a nearby park for a romantic outdoor meal. Bring reusable utensils, plates, and napkins to minimize waste, and enjoy the beauty of nature while you dine al fresco.
2. Bike Ride and Nature Exploration: Explore your surroundings on two wheels with a scenic bike ride through local trails or nature reserves. Not only is biking a fun and eco-friendly way to get around, but it also allows you to connect with nature and each other as you soak in the sights and sounds of the great outdoors.
3. Farmers' Market Date: Support local farmers and artisans by visiting a farmers' market together. Wander through the stalls hand in hand, sampling fresh produce, baked goods, and artisanal products. Not only will you enjoy delicious and wholesome treats, but you'll also reduce your carbon footprint by purchasing locally grown and produced goods.
4. Volunteer Together: Give back to your community and the planet by volunteering together for a local environmental organization or conservation project. Whether it's planting trees or participating in a community garden, volunteering is a meaningful way to bond while making a positive impact on the environment.
5. DIY Upcycling Project: Get creative together with a DIY upcycling project using items you already have at home. Whether it's turning old jars into candle holders, repurposing fabric scraps into reusable tote bags, or transforming pallets into furniture, upcycling allows you to breathe new life into old items while reducing waste.
6. Outdoor Yoga or Meditation Session: Connect with each other and the earth with an outdoor yoga or meditation session in a local park or garden. Set up your mats amidst nature's beauty and let the peaceful surroundings inspire relaxation, mindfulness, and a deeper connection with each other and the planet.
7. Plant a Garden Together: Get your hands dirty and bond over gardening by planting a garden together. Whether you have a backyard, balcony, or windowsill, you can grow herbs, vegetables, or flowers together. Not only is gardening a sustainable and rewarding activity, but it also allows you to nurture new life and watch it flourish over time.
8. Sustainable Cooking Class: Take a sustainable cooking class together and learn how to prepare delicious and eco-friendly meals using locally sourced and seasonal ingredients. Not only will you pick up new culinary skills, but you'll also gain a deeper appreciation for sustainable food practices and their impact on the planet.
9. Beach Clean-Up and Sunset Picnic: Combine environmental activism with romance by organizing a beach clean-up followed by a sunset picnic. Spend the afternoon collecting litter and debris from the shoreline, then reward yourselves with a romantic picnic as you watch the sun dip below the horizon.
10. Eco-Friendly Staycation: Instead of jetting off on a far-flung vacation, opt for an eco-friendly staycation closer to home. Explore local attractions, dine at sustainable restaurants, and support eco-conscious businesses in your area. Not only will you reduce your carbon footprint by avoiding long-distance travel, but you'll also discover hidden gems and unique experiences in your own backyard.

Sustainable love is not only about nurturing your relationship with each other but also about caring for the planet that sustains us all. By incorporating eco-friendly practices into your date nights, you can deepen your connection while minimizing your impact on the environment. So grab your partner's hand and embark on a journey of sustainable love together, one green-hearted date at a time.

HJF for First Rounds On Me

Friends and Fromies, Hello ! How's everyone doing? I've come to a decision: every Tuesday, I'll be sharing a collection of tried-and-true dating tips sourced from either well-known figures or straight from my own thoughts. So, whether you're seeking guidance, looking for a boost of confidence, or simply need a bit of midweek inspiration, you'll find something here to brighten your day and enhance your dating journey. Stay tuned for your weekly dose of wisdom and inspiration every Tuesday!

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball

"Date someone who gives you the same feeling as when you see food coming at a restaurant."

"Don't rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other." - Russ Von Hoelscher

"Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul." - Luther Burbank

HJF for First Rounds On Me

In the realm of romance, many of us have turned to the stars in search of answers. Astrology, with its promises of compatibility and cosmic connections, has long captivated the hearts and minds of believers and skeptics alike. But as we delve deeper into the world of astrological compatibility, the question arises: does your zodiac sign truly hold the key to finding your soulmate, or is it merely a whimsical diversion from reality? Grab a glass of wine, and let's find out...

Exploring Astrological Compatibility

For centuries, astrologers have touted the importance of sun signs, moon signs, and rising signs in determining the potential success of a romantic relationship. According to astrological tradition, certain zodiac signs are more compatible with others, based on the elements (fire, earth, air, and water) and qualities (cardinal, fixed, and mutable) associated with each sign. For example, fiery Aries may be drawn to adventurous Sagittarius, while grounded Taurus may find harmony with practical Virgo.

The Appeal of Astrological Compatibility

There's really no denying the allure of astrological compatibility. It offers a sense of reassurance and guidance in the often murky waters of dating and relationships. By consulting our horoscopes or seeking out astrological compatibility charts, we hope to gain insight into our romantic futures and increase our chances of finding lasting love. After all, who wouldn't want to believe that the stars have aligned in their favor?

The Reality Check

However, when we take a closer look at the science (or lack thereof) behind astrology, a different picture emerges. While astrology may provide comfort and entertainment, it lacks empirical evidence to support its claims of predicting romantic compatibility. Skeptics argue that astrology relies on vague generalizations and confirmation bias, rather than objective data, to make its predictions. In reality, the success of a relationship depends on a multitude of factors, including communication, compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect – none of which can be accurately determined by the positions of celestial bodies.

Finding Love Beyond the Stars

So where does this leave us in our quest for love? While astrology may offer some amusement and food for thought, it's important not to rely solely on zodiac signs to guide our romantic decisions. Instead, we should focus on getting to know ourselves and our potential partners on a deeper level, independent of astrological labels. By cultivating self-awareness, open communication, and a willingness to embrace differences, we can forge meaningful connections that aline with what we truly want, not what a horoscope dictates we should.

So, in the age-old debate of astrology vs. reality, it's clear that the stars can only take us so far in our search for love. While it most definitely adds a touch of magic to the dating game, it's ultimately up to us to navigate the complexities of relationships with clarity, intention, and an open heart. Whether you're a die-hard believer in the power of the stars or a steadfast skeptic, one thing will always remain true however: love knows no bounds, celestial or otherwise. Until next time x

HJF for First Rounds On Me