Ladies, gather ‘round. We need to talk.

You ever been on a date where the guy remembers your name and suddenly you’re texting your group chat, “Omg, he’s different”? Or he pays for dinner and pulls out a chair and you’re convinced chivalry isn’t dead? The one who “likes” your Instagram story but hasn’t taken you on a real date in weeks. The man who thinks not being an actual dumpster fire of a human being makes him boyfriend material?

If you’re sadly nodding your head yes, or rolling your eyes so hard it hurts, you’ve definitely encountered a Bare Minimum Man.

My love, it’s time to wake up. Because let me tell you right now, the bar is not in hell—it’s just been buried under years of excuses. And I’m here to dig it back up. Grab a glass of wine, and let’s dive in…

The Rise of the Bare Minimum Man

So, how did we get here? Well, we’ve been conditioned to accept it. To see the bare minimum as enough. To convince ourselves that maybe we’re asking for too much when all we really want is effort, consistency, and a date that doesn’t involve a couch and a remote. We’re told to be “chill,” to “not be difficult,” to “appreciate the little things.” But let’s be clear: having standards is not being difficult. Expecting effort does not make you high maintenance. And if a man wants to be in your life, he will make it easy for you to know that.

Also, lowkey, dating apps have made laziness the norm. I feel confident saying that as someone who owns a dating app lol. They’ve created a perfect storm of instant gratification, endless options, and effort aversion. Why put in effort when you can just keep swiping? Why plan a real date when you can just text “wyd” until someone caves? Apps have made dating so casual that “We should go out sometime” is now considered effort.

Signs You’re Dating a Bare Minimum Man

Let’s do a quick self-audit. If your current romantic situation resembles any of the below, you might be dealing with a Bare Minimum Specialist:

1. He texts… but that’s about it.

If you can scroll back through your entire chat history and see nothing but “wyd?” “haha” and “I miss u” with no actual plans being made? Congratulations, you’re dating a glorified pen pal.

2. He calls basic decency “effort.”

Did he text you good morning one time and now expects a gold star? Does he actually show up when he says he will, but only because you reminded him three times? If he thinks he deserves a parade for simply being nice, you’re dealing with a bare minimum man.

3. His idea of a date is… what date?

If “let’s just chill” is his go-to invitation, he is not dating you—he is passing the time with you. A man who is serious about you will put in effort, plan something, and not act like making a reservation requires Navy SEAL-level strategic planning.

4. He expects praise for the smallest things.

Did he text back within 24 hours and now acts like he just solved world hunger? Did he put in slightly more effort than usual and is waiting for you to shower him with gratitude? If so, he’s playing the bare minimum game, and you’re not going to win.

The Cure

Now, I’m not saying every guy needs to be out here writing pages long declarations of affection, or be planning hot-air balloon dates (although, gentlemen, feel free to step it up). But we deserve more than the basics. Here’s how to break the cycle:

1. Shift Your Perspective: Stop seeing the bare minimum as impressive. A text back? That’s not romantic. It’s basic communication.

2. Raise the Standard Early: From the jump, set the expectation that effort matters. If he’s lazy in the beginning, he’s only going to get worse.

3. Match Effort, Not Potential: Stop falling for “but he has so much potential!” No. If he wanted to, he would. If he’s not, he doesn’t.

4. Don’t Confuse Attraction with Compatibility: Chemistry is cute, but if he’s emotionally unavailable, allergic to effort, and treats you like an option—you’re wasting your time.

5. Make dating intentional: Stop giving free emotional labor to men who aren’t investing in you. If they’re not making an effort to see you in real life, cut them off.

6. Start using apps that align with what you want: If you’re tired of lazy dating, use a platform that encourages action, not endless swiping. On FROM, we actually force men to make plans. No endless endless messaging or mindless swiping. Just real dates. Because if he can’t plan a date, why waste time?

7. Date Like a CEO, Not an Intern: Refer to my last blog for a more in-depth explanation on this but: You wouldn’t beg for a job that doesn’t value you. You wouldn’t chase an employer who can’t offer you what you need. Apply that same energy to dating.

It’s Not Just a Man Problem: Ladies, Let’s Be Real…

Before we get too comfy pointing fingers, let’s have a moment of brutal, self aware honesty. While we love to drag the Bare Minimum Man (and rightfully so), let’s be real—women can be just as guilty of putting in the least amount of effort while expecting the most.

Are you lazy texting? - If you’re only engaging when he reaches out, throwing in the occasional lol or that’s crazy but never actually contributing to the conversation, that’s not effort—it’s keeping someone on the hook without real interest. If you like him, show it. If you don’t, let him go.

Are you keeping people around just because you’re bored? - Let’s be honest—sometimes we entertain people not because we genuinely like them, but because they fill a void. Maybe they text us good morning every day, maybe they boost our ego, maybe they’re just something to do. But leading someone on just to have attention is Bare Minimum Behavior in disguise. If you wouldn’t tolerate it from a man, don’t dish it out yourself.

Are you letting them plan everything, but never putting in any effort yourself? -  If he’s the one constantly planning the dates, making the reservations, and figuring out the logistics while you just show up and look cute—that’s a one-sided dynamic. Effort should be reciprocal. Planning a date, suggesting an activity, or even just checking in on how his day went—these little things matter.

Because let’s be real—effort goes both ways. If you want someone to step up, you have to step up too.

Date Better

Here’s the truth: The right person will never make you feel like you’re asking for too much just because you expect a baseline level of effort. So let’s make 2025 the year we stop romanticizing the bare minimum and start dating with higher standards.

Because “he’s nice” isn’t enough.
Because “he doesn’t cheat” isn’t an achievement.
Because “he called me back” shouldn’t feel like winning the lottery.

Because being emotionally available isn’t a rare personality trait.

Because you deserve more than “he’s not that bad.”

Raise the bar. Watch the right people meet it. Until next time, queens. x