Let’s get real—when was the last time you asked yourself why you’re actually dating?

Not the surface-level “I’m just seeing what’s out there” or “I’d love to meet someone” answer. I mean, really sat down and checked in with yourself: Am I dating to build a real connection? Or am I just searching for validation? 

Because in an era where a single swipe can land you a dopamine hit and a breadcrumbed “miss u” text at 2 AM can trick you into feeling special, it’s easy to confuse attention with actual intimacy. And if you don’t get clear on why you’re dating, you’ll find yourself trapped in a cycle of situationships, over-investment, and connections that leave you feeling unfulfilled.

If you just had a minor existential crisis reading that, don’t worry—you’re not alone.

Here’s the truth, my babe: Too many people are dating to feel chosen instead of dating to truly connect. It’s a hard pill to swallow, I know but grab a glass of wine - because it’s time to wake up, reclaim your power, and start dating differently…

The Validation Trap: When You Date to Feel Chosen

Let’s get real: There’s a reason why dating apps feel like a dopamine slot machine. The rush of getting a match, the thrill of being pursued, the ego boost when someone swipes right on you—it all feels so good.

But here’s the problem: feeling desired and feeling deeply connected are not the same thing.

Signs You're Dating to Feel Chosen (Instead of to Build Something Real)

You’re more focused on winning someone over than figuring out if you even like them.
Does their inconsistency feel like a challenge? Do you find yourself fixating on making them want you rather than asking yourself if they’re actually a good match?

You feel a high when someone “wants” you, but quickly lose interest once they do.
If the chase is the best part, and the moment you “win” them, you check out—chances are, you weren’t looking for love. You were looking for the ego boost.

You don’t actually know what you want.
If someone asked you what kind of partner truly fulfills you, would you have an answer? Or do you just want to feel desired?

You tolerate emotional unavailability because the potential of them finally committing is intoxicating.
If you’re constantly making excuses for why someone isn’t showing up (“they’re just bad at texting”), or justifying why their mixed signals keep you hanging on (“they’re scared of commitment”), ask yourself: Would I put up with this if I truly valued my time?

You’re addicted to “the spark” but ignore compatibility.
Attraction is easy. True connection requires actual compatibility. If your relationships are built on intense chemistry but crumble the second life gets real, you might be prioritizing the rush over the reality.

How to Shift from Chasing Validation to Building Connection

Date with curiosity, not just chemistry.
Instead of asking “Do they like me?”, ask “Do I actually like them?” Start paying attention to how someone makes you feel, not just how much they seem to want you.

Stop romanticizing the unavailable.
If they’re inconsistent, unclear, or noncommittal, that’s not mystique—that’s emotional unavailability. Connection flows. It doesn’t require guessing games.

Check your attachment to “winning.”
If someone pulling away makes you want them more, sit with that. Ask yourself: Am I actually heartbroken, or just bruised by the idea of being rejected?

Detach from the Outcome 

Speaking of attachment, not every date needs to lead to forever. Focus on the experience, not the end goal.

Focus on effort, not empty words.
Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you will make it clear. No decoding necessary.

Choose people who choose you back.
Connection should never feel like a competition. If someone’s making you prove your worth to them, they’re not your person.

Use Apps That Encourage Action, Not Just Attention

If you’re tired of dating apps feeling like an ego boost rather than an actual way to meet someone, it’s time to switch it up. FROM was literally designed to cut the noise—one match per day, no endless swiping, and a built-in date scheduler to actually make plans. Because a match is cute, but a date is better.

At the end of the day, the right person won’t just make you feel chosen—they’ll make you feel valued, seen, and secure. But that starts with you making that the standard.

So ask yourself: Are you dating to connect—or just to feel wanted? The difference between the two? Everything. Until next time x